SHORTER FICTION

THREE SHORT STORIES

 

FIRST SHORT STORY: SO U WANT TO TRAVEL THRU TIME 

(The Do’s and the Do-Not-Do’s of time travel for profit.

or

Who woulda thought time travel was so difficult?)

 

SECOND SHORT STORY:  THE KISS OF '96 

(Mr. Edison's device will be our ruination!)

 

THIRD SHORT STORY: WHAT THE EYES BEHOLD

(How come all these distractions?)

 

                                                 *********SCROLL DOWN*********

 

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NOTE:      SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT VERSIONS OF THESE STORIES FIRST APPEARED ON MY PREVIOUS WEBSITE DATING FROM 2015.

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                                               SO U WANT TO TRAVEL THRU TIME

(2,000 words)

 

The Do’s and the Do-Not-Do’s of time travel for profit.

or

Who woulda thought time travel was so difficult?

 

 

WARNING!: This infos exclusively for the use of applicandid8s to the International Chrononautics Academy (I.C.A.)® Class of the year 2118 (twenty-one 8een). Anydude applying to the academy must read & confirm this info before proceeding. Non-applicandid8s wanting to find more info about the application process, plz see ΔθICAappcaninfo/ΩuΩ/Ξπmhjoa/625-121-08/kdlch/AKNA/przΣ/Σ211/7+1uΩ/ica for more.

 

So u want to travel thru time. Thats awesome!

Your now applying to Chrononaut (chrono: time, naut: voyager) School. A chrononauts lifes demanding to the max & requires like total dedication. But the fact that your applying shows that your a adventurous indiv & we like that.

Everydude hoping to earn the chrononauts logo must pass a one (1)-year basic course before starting advanced training & being assigned to their first (1st) time travel mission. Every candid8 must pass each of:

PHYS TRAINING

1st (FIRST) AID

CHRONONAUTICAL THEORY (basic understanding of Jani-Khartunian equations & Menshchikova Conjecture)

ESCAPE PROCEDURES 

INFO GATHERING/STORAGE

LANGUAGE(S)

ANTHROPODYNAMICS

SURVIVAL TECHNIQUES

other subjects as required as case-by-case.

 

The whole aim of the course is to like make sure of three (3) things:

(1): (one) u get back from your time travel missions safe & sound &

(B) (two): the info u bring backs marketable so it wasnt all a waste of everydudes time lol &

(3): (three) u do nothing that could like change the course of history & so change the future.

Hey! Thats our future your changing lol!

I.C.A.® is internationally funded & the info & images u bring back to our century we sell to universities & institutions & the telenetworks thru our parent-org International Chrononautics Research Initiative (I.C.R.I.)® based in Trondheim since 2090 (twenty ninety) plus Punta Arenas since 2093 (twenty ninety-three) plus Prince Rupert since 2099 (twenty ninety-nine).

What u bring back from your time travel missions pays the bills & keeps our shareholders happy ♥. & it pays your salary lol.

Before we describe the training, plz remember that any talk u maybe heard that time travel into the future is now possible is dead wrong. FACT. Despite of all efforts, nodude has found any loopholes in the Jani-Khartunian equations. So its impossible to travel into the future, only the past. FACT.

 

Now, all about your training:

Itll take like two (2) years. The first (1st) years to qualify as a chrononaut. After that everydude must take another year to like train for their assigned mission. Why so long? Everything must be prepared right for your survival & safe return to the here & now, which for u will be the here & future, like 2119 (twenty-one nineteen) @ least lol.

Your mission can take a few days &/or a few weeks. I.C.R.I.® decides all the variables depending on the danger level of each mission as case by case. Deep penetration time travels always shorter because of the higher danger. @ the moment deep-pen missions go back more than 5,000 (five thousand) years, but this figures now like under review.

Now, your training breaks down like this:

PHYS TRAINING: Ull get all about how to withstand primitive conditions & the time travels hardships. Your pushing your body thru the time barrier & the Jani-Khartunian waves arent good for u, so theres lots of phys stress. Your training will like minimize the health probs of time travel.

 

Note: Ull require inoculations against diseases common in the primitive times like small pox & hep. This is for your safety & the safety of everydude in the here & now & in the future to come. No xceptions. Sorry, but no confirmation from u = no place in the academy. FACT.

U must also delete any & all tats, m-plants, toos, sex-plants, com-plants & any & all bodymods which people in the past didnt have. Thisll prevent u looking like some dude from their future which we definitely dont want lol.  No xceptions. No confirmation from u about this rule = no place for u in the academy. FACT.

U must also confirm ull strictly avoid all 22nd (twenty-second)-century food, drinks, halants & anything whichll alter &/or affect how u smell. Dudes in the past didnt eat what we eat & drink what we drink & they didnt have halants so if your going to blend in ull have to like take about one (1) year to clean up. This is specially important if u encounter dogs in your missions. No xceptions. No confirmation from u = your like out of the program. FACT.

If u are het-male ull have to confirm to have a temporary reproductive sterilization procedure (Terestepro) before each & every mission. Its like totally reversible so dont worry lol. But we dont want u to leave any little 9 (nine)-month little time bombs back in the past lol. No xceptions. Failure to confirm means exclusion from the mission & possible exclusion from the Chrononaut Corps®. FACT.

1st (FIRST) AID: We take every precaution & make every effort to like make your arrival in the past & your return to our century as safe as poss. But nodude can anticip8 every single variable. Theres always a little possibility u might like materialize a couple of meters up in the air & fall to the ground. Or maybe even under water. One (1) member of a mission to the 17th (seventeenth) century materialized @ the bottom of a well. A well is like a deep & narrow pit for storing water. They got out OK but was injured bad & I.C.R.I.® pressed ABORT.

 

Note: 22nd (twenty-second)-century med equipment & pharmas & so on cant be used in time travel missions, right? Which this is why ull get all about first (1st) aid the old fashioned way lol. Its hard but ull get it anyway so dont worry lol.

Note: When u return from a mission u must pass thru like a quarantine period post-debriefing & before your release. This is for easy-to-understand reasons. The quarantine period depends on many many many factors as case by case.

CHRONONAUTICAL THEORY: Uve all read time travel fiction from the old old days like Thus We Frustr8 Charlemagne from 1967 (nineteen sixtyseven) & also Making History from 1996 (nineteen ninetysix) & of course that classic from 2090 (twenty ninety) Our Past Lies Before Us & so on. In this course ull get why this is so important to the max. Its important for the present as well as the past, right?

The Jani-Khartunian equations are the basis of time travel. But u dont have to master them, only get a basic grip so dont worry lol. But its important that u understand the possible paradoxes & snakelines involving time travel. Your life & the f8 of our century depend on this. FACT!

Just fyi, there was a mission back to the early 21st (twenty-first) century to what was then called the United St8s of America. One (1) mission member was about like one (1) cm away from by accident preventing the assassination of President Gore. It was only just nothing but dumb luck that stopped them by accident preventing that assassination & changing history like forever. Since that mission all the controls are now more strict. FACT!

 

This has to be one (1) of the important to the max parts of your training. U must never forget that even a action thats really trivial can somehow have like a big effect & change the future without anydude realizing it. Imagine if President Gore didnt get assassin8d! Then history wouldve changed to the max & we wouldnt even realize it!

 

Note: The Menshchikova Conjecture! Its still a important subject in your training even if not every scientist is on board with it. Remember, the first (1st) candid8 or chrononaut to prove Menshchikova rightll win 100,000,000 (one hundred million) New Kronor from I.C.R.I.® & get lifelong membership & a academy vice professorship.

ESCAPE PROCEDURES: If a mission goes wrong like real wrong & it could like affect history & change the future or if a mission member is like in great danger then the mission must ABORT & thats that. Your trainingll prepare u for this as much as poss. Dont forget this!

Note: Plz keep in mind that ull have to confirm a injury &/or death waiver before every mission. Which u can forget about accident or death insurance as far as time travel. No insurer @ all wants to touch it. FACT! Thats one (1) of the reasons why chrononauts are heroes.

INFO GATHERING & STORAGE: Whats the point of a mission if u like come back to our time & u have zero (0) to show us & no info for I.C.R.I.® to put on the open market? A picture (2D or 3D) or even a nanopic is worth a thousand (1,000) words, they say. In your training ull get all about the best ways to observe, record & store info. It must be safe @ all times! Dont let it fall into like the wrong hands! That would be a absolute disaster. FACT.

Note: Anydude bringing back any items which can be marketable antiques in our century will def be arrested & do hard time in a max correcto facil. FACT. So dont try & mess with market forces. Dont even think about this!

LANGUAGE(S): Way way back they spoke funny & some didnt even speak English as good as us or even @ all. So if your going to like blend in ull have to get their language(s). The Dextratek ΘB® is your friend to the max as far as language learning. Ull get the basics & then make it all better to the max with Holoprax® & so on. So dont worry.

Note: Many deep penetration missions may need no language training @ all. This is because we dont even know their languages lol. So no worries there. They wont understand u & u wont understand them but its all good.

ANTHROPODYNAMICS: Way way back there werent like 19,000,000,000 (nineteen billion) people alive. & there were no big Hot Zones & Nuke Zones here & there like now. So when u go way way back ull see they had unbelievable to the max personal space & ull also see some societies were like only 40 (forty) or 50 (fifty) indivs. Thats right: only 40 (forty) or fifty (50). Hard to believe isnt it lol?

So these are like quick-in-quick-out missions because u cant hide in a crowd when theres no crowd lol. Ull have to quickly understand each societys three (3) main elements, like:

(1) (one) Whos in charge? &

(2)  (two) Whats everydudes sexual orientation? &

(C)  (three) Whats their economy? Thats right: even tiny little tribes had a economy. Ull get all about this l8er in the training training so dont worry.

SURVIVAL TECHNIQUES: Survival techniques will help u get all you need to know about survival when your way way back & the foods strange & every drinks a weird one (1) & the primitives all look @ u funny & u have important jobs to do but theres not much time & dangers all around because these dudes totally dont trust strangers like u. What kind of danger?  Which the prims were violent & emotional. Not like us lol. But its important to the max that as a chrononaut u keep your focus on the mission & use all the training the academy gives u. So pay attention. The life u save will be yours!

Also u must get all about how to function in the past like u totally know what your doing just like you were born there lol. Which that means like u may have to get how to like ride a animal like a horse like youve seen them do in all those old 2DVs from like 100 (one hundred) or 150 (one hundred fifty) years ago. (Note: Training for this will be in the Patagonian Republic &/or the Trans-Asia Republic, as case by case.)

Or u may have to get how to use cash (money made of like metal or plastic or paper) & so on & so on. One (1) other thing: avoiding trouble is important to the max. Like u have to know who u can m8 & who u cant m8. This is all like part of what u have to get so when your on a mission u can blend in & avoid trouble that might be bad for your health lol.

REMEMBER: Leave nothing behind except footprints & bring nothing back except what the academic marketplace & the telenetworks want to buy.

WHICH THE CHRONONAUTS MOTTO IS: GET THERE, GET BACK, GET IT ON THE MARKET.

GOOD LUCK WITH YOUR TRAINING.

DONT LET YOURSELF DOWN.

ΞψφΞ497401218643/3639λ!

 

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                                       THE KISS OF ’96

(850 words)

 

To: Mr. Oliver Rickebaugh, Elizabeth, New Jersey

From: Edward Bradley Lamb, New Rochelle, New York

October 26, 1896

 

My Dear Olrick,

Congratulations are in order. I have just seen a moving picture!

It was made by Mr. Edison’s company, and one was truly astonished to see how the actors – for that is what they were, John Rice and Mrs. May Irwin – moved just as if they were actually in front of one. I’m sure you know them: they performed in that popular Broadway play The Widow Jones, and I recall how you have always delighted in every manifestation of the Thalian muse, being ever a devotee of the theatrical arts. And, one might add, of the “ladies” encountered therein.

The moving images are projected from an apparatus expertly constructed for that purpose. I understand it is referred to as a kinematograph. (You do remember your Greek from Yale, don’t you, Olrick? I certainly remember mine.)

This kinematograph emits a thin beam of light onto a screen upon which the actors appear to move. Did I just say “appear” to move? No, Olrick, indeed they do move. They do! How is this miraculous feat accomplished? What is the nature of this wonderful apparatus which sends forth pictures to move without fail before our very eyes, as if the spirits themselves have been summoned and then restrained in a box to be released at will, just like the jinni from Aladdin’s lamp?

I cannot answer this question, for I am no mechanic. I am, as you know, intended for a career in the Law. I only know it is indeed wondrous to behold. We are approaching the cusp of the 20th century, Olrick, and it makes one’s heart race with anticipation at the thought of the other amazing inventions we shall yet live to see.

And yet.

What was exhibited to the public by this astounding apparatus, this miraculum miraculorum? Something of great substance, intended to uplift and edify? No, Olrick, this moving picture depicted a man and a woman – one could scarcely refer to them as a gentleman and a lady – performing an action clearly intended to induce thoughts of concupiscence and to tempt each spectator into succumbing to his baser appetites.

I should explain, this moving picture had a title, as if it were a painting or a theatrical piece, as if it were an opera or the inestimable King Lear. It was entitled The Kiss. The moving picture depicted them kissing. But it was by no means a chaste kiss, born of innocence, but a slobbering kiss on the mouth if you please! And it gave every indication that these two individuals  were ready, willing and able to indulge in further gross indecencies.

Now Olrick, you will readily attest that I am no prude. But I ask you: Is this the depth to which our civilization has descended? I am obliged to point out that there were young ladies among the spectators. And I feel confident in saying that these young ladies were from respectable families. How must their fathers have felt? As a society, should we not be outraged by this vulgar display of carnality to which their daughters were so wantonly exposed?

I see no moral benefits arising from moving pictures. The kinematograph is a marvel of ingenuity. But if The Kiss is representative of the “entertainment” it will offer, then I shudder at how it will corrupt our American nation.

It is my fervent wish that kinematography will become nothing more than an occasional novelty. An ingenious novelty, but a mere novelty nonetheless. In any case, can spectral images on a screen compare with a stage presentation involving real, flesh-and-blood thespians? And now that I come to think of it, the kinematograph shows us only a portion of each performer’s body, just the head and shoulders. Can this compete with the theater, where one can see each character from head to foot? And see them not achromatically but with natural colors?

And now that I reflect even further, one cannot even hear the performers in a moving picture. They move just as they do in real life, but they do so in silence. The only sounds to be heard during The Kiss were the clacking of the kinematographic apparatus and the gasps from the assembled spectators. 

Kinematography may just be a flash in the pan, so perhaps we need not be alarmed. It may well be only a passing distraction, and by the time my child enters school – you’ll recall the happy news that Martha is expecting our first – the kinematograph will have become a mere fairground attraction (operated, one would hope, under strict police supervision).

Of more immediate concern is the presidential election now approaching. Would you concur with my prediction that Mr. Bryan stands no chance against Governor McKinley? For the sake of our economy, and for the sake of our fair republic’s future, may Providence lead Governor McKinley to the White House!

Yours as ever,

Edward

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IUyTcpvTPu0

 

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                              WHAT THE EYES BEHOLD

(900 words)

 

You need to get some work done. But what’s with all these distractions?

 

     Why do I keep coming to this place? The coffee’s not that special. Neither’s the music. And that cute barista who always smiled that special smile has moved on. I hope she wasn’t fired. Did she suddenly quit? Maybe she met a guy and moved somewhere with him. But that’s okay. It means fewer distractions, so I can get some work done. I have a novel to write.

And if I get the right table I won’t be tempted to keep looking at the female customers. I shouldn't sit too close to the aircon, either. I have a novel to finish, and watery eyes are the last thing I need. Actually, I’d be better off having my manuscript on a laptop and not have to deal with all this messy paper. It’s the 21st century, for crying out loud. But what if somebody spills coffee on it? Or if spill coffee on it?

 

     Well, well. What have we here? That guy over there with the burgundy laptop. I’ve seen him here before. He looks pretty cool, staring at a spreadsheet. I should do something like that. People respect you when you stare at a spreadsheet while drinking coffee. It shows you're an alpha male. See, now he’s talking on his phone with one hand while he works the keyboard with his other hand. What’s that language he’s speaking? Maybe if I go over and pretend to check out the coffee beans I can…French! That show-off is actually speaking French!

Those two babes in corner are looking at him. That one on the right has unbelievably long purple fingernails. I worry about things like that. I mean, how can she wipe her butt without doing some serious damage? And can she go bowling? Both babes appear to be office workers. Surely she can’t type with those nails. I’ll bet she’s good at opening envelopes, though. Her friend with the pony tail is pretty hot, too. No ring on her finger, but does that necessarily mean anything?

Look at how they’re both so self-aware. They’re obviously on a break from work. I should’ve sat in the corner. I’ll sit there every time from now on. That way, if they come again I can fake a phone call in French and note their reaction. I might even make eye contact with one of them. Or even both. Pretend that it’s no big deal, just speaking French with my very own Parisian publisher. Mon èditeur parisien. And then when they leave I can smile a general smile their way and see who smiles back first. The pony tail or the long purple nails?

                                                                                                                                                                 

     Why am I wasting time like this? I have a novel to complete. The deadline looms. I should order something stronger this time. If I order something with a kick to it then I can really knuckle down. Cappuccino! That’s what I need. I don’t like cappuccino, but I need it. A double-shot cappuccino and then knuckle down.

 

(Four minutes later.)

 

     I really should’ve checked these chapter outlines before I came here. I’ve already wasted too much time. I wasted time, and now doth time waste me. That’s Richard the Second, Act 5. Some things you never forget. Hmmm, that guy who just walked in with that tall brunette looks a bit kingly himself, like European royalty. Receding chin, suspect dentition. Maybe he's descended from ten generations of people marrying their cousins. Those two young women in the corner haven’t looked my way, though.

But what’s with all the pairs of women today? Are they riding shotgun for each other or something?

The pony tail babe has a haughty look, like she’s Cleopatra. High maintenance, for sure. She’d wear the pants in any relationship. Tight pants, too. Tight, faded blue jeans. Low cut. And under those tight, low cut jeans? Wait! Let’s not get carried away.

My eyes aren’t playing tricks, are they? She’s looking straight at me! Or is there something interesting behind me? No. No. She’s definitely looking at little old moi. Enchanted by my aura. Now what? Play it cool? Or roll the dice and go for it?

But what’s that unusual expression on her face? Something’s not quite right. Or maybe she’s just inhibited because she’s with a friend. Now her friend’s looking at me too. Something’s amiss. Is my fly open? They couldn’t see that. Or is there snot hanging out of my nostril? Merde! That’s all I…Oh, wait! Wait! The cappuccino. Who can drink cappuccino without getting any on their top lip? I must look like a clown. But I’ve hardly touched my cappuccino. So I’m clean, then? But then why are they both giving me that funny look? Both of them.

Only one way to check without being too obvious. Slowly, slowly…raise the paper towel to my mouth and check for froth. That’s all. If it’s froth-free then they’re not looking at me for the worst possible reason. Anyway, I have to know the reason. I have to know for sure.

Here goes.

 

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RETURN TO MAIN MENU: http://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/

THE LATIN LOVER (SHORT STORY): http://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/index.php?id=the-latin-lover

NEOLOGISMS (WORDS FOR WHEN WE HAVE NO WORDS)http://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/index.php?id=neologisms

THE REVOLUTION THAT ATE ITSELF: JAPAN'S RADICAL STUDENTS: http://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/index.php?id=the-revolution-that-ate-itself-japans-radical-students

MOJO MAN: LIFE'S A HIJACK (THE STRANGE TALE OF ROGER HOLDER): http://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/index.php?id=mojo-man-lifes-a-hijack-the-strange-tale-of-roger-holder

TWO SHORT STORIES: http://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/index.php?id=two-short-stories

THE MEN WHO WEREN'T THERE: BUTCH CASSIDY & THE SUNDANCE KIDhttp://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/index.php?id=the-men-who-werent-there-butch-cassidy-the-sundance-kid

MOVIES & SPOKEN WORDhttp://www.sla.ne.jp/manfacingnortheast/index.php?id=movies

 

 

 

 

Published on  August 16th, 2023